Some of the funny mail I got when I said Don't Bother Buying a...

By Chris Rae. See my multifarious homepage for more about me.

I've had some mail that didn't fit into other categories (and that's quite an achievements, because I now appear to have more categories than a few of my correspondents have brain cells) and so here it is. Some of this really cracked me up; have fun... 


From: MAK7185@aol.com

Subject: Tama's



I would like to know the real twin code if there is one.  I've talked to many

people that have claimed to have them and I've even seen a pic but I wanna

know the truth-

IS THERE OR ISN'T THERE TWINS/TRIPS?

Please write back if you know the truth and if you know please send me the

real code!

Thanx

It doesn't matter to me if you post this or not

:^ tamagotchi's rock :^

>@)_//

    (___)<




From: [address withheld]

Subject: Tamagotchi's 



Hi there, 



	Go ahead and stick this on your site, if you like, but I'd rather you

strip the email address off if you don't mind. 



	Having gone through the latest Tamagotchi fandango trying to obtain one

for my fiancee for her birthday (they actually had one left--thank the

Lord), I have my own theory about the Tamagotchi. 

	

	It goes on your belt loop or backpack.  It is a small electronic device. 

It beeps at inopportune times so you have to drop what you are doing, look

at it closely and push buttons on it to make it stop beeping.  



	It's pager training!  So the next generation of children will be all ready

in ten years to deal with pagers!  Hook 'em while they're young--that's

what the tobacco 

companies have done, isn't it?  




From: Kyle [address withheld]

Subject: funny



ok I think its just a toy, I dont care if its bad, I dont care if its

good.

I just wana have some fun. And I consider GigaPets(NOT

TOMOGOTICH_WHATEVERS!!!!!!!!)to be prity good, it gets bigget, and when

It dies, theres a cyo0o0o0ote angel. I have a kitty named Lily and a

t-rex named Tommy. their cool. I think that everyone needs to calm down!

I'm consetned when I here a girl comitting siuiside.

I think everyone needs to know one thing...

IT'S JUST A TOY!!!!!!!!!!

please dont poast my e-mail but poast my name

Kyle (Last name not important)




From: Allison Long



I loved your website... and I have a story about those freaking 

tamagotchi's. They're stupid! Here's the story...

    At our school, we are required to have 15 minutes of silent 

reading per day. From 9:00 to 9:15 the school is silent, all reading 

in there classes. While we were reading one day, my tamagotchi 

started beeping! I was horibbly embarassed. I checked on it, there 

was absolutely nothing wrong, so I turned of the sound and spanked it.

 My teacher came over, took my tamagotchi, and made me apologize to 

the entire class. I've never been so embarassed! Argh.....

     This is to anyone who wants to buy one, "They're hideously 

awful!" sometimes, I will hatch and egg, then just let it die, just 

to be spiteful. I wish I hadn't ever wasted $15 on it. 

     You can post this if you like.... Actually, I would like you too.

 I want the world to know how much I despise tamagotchi's.
I think this one is possibly the most amusingly written piece of mail I've had so far. I laughed, anyway.
From: Nicky Wilson



About the whole Tamagotchi thing.  I actually didn't buy one, but a friend

is allowing me to borrow his (he says he needs "a break"...oh the stress!).

I've been fooling with the thing for the past three days, and it is

moronically simple, but...you know, I think I'm gonna lay out the dinero for

one eventually.  

No, I wasn't the type of little girl who collected those freakishly cute

"Hello Kitty" Sanrio doodads, preferring instead more boyish pieces of

useless plastic like Star Wars toys and dinosaurs and army men and such.

Today I'm part of the Geek-Girl brigade, more than willing to smash the most

homophobic 14 year-old white male in Mechwarrior Mercenaries combat, and oh

so ready to cruelly slap my poor pathetic toiling minions as I play Dungeon

Keeper on into the night.  But, soft...!  Here now, I'm captivated by this

simple little egg-shaped toy!  Can this really be?  Do I hear a small, still

voice calling me back to the simpler, kinder early days of LCD-gaming?  Or

am I just a sucker still for hype, despite what my ego may tell me? 



I have no emotional attachment to this little beeping thing.  I actually

feel no innate need to care for a nonexistent pet (I have a hard enough time

caring for my aquarium on a regular basis).  I laughed in malevolent joy at

www.reactiveware.com's Tamagotchi Smash page.  But am I gonna send mine in

to be creatively and lovingly whomped?  No way, mister...not unless I find

an extra one lying in the road, perhaps.  



I'm struggling with a love/hate relationship with the Tamagotchi.  I think,

in the end, when I must give this little gizmo back to its owner and when I

cannot find one of my own, my mind will snap and I'm gonna don my cammies

and my knee-high combat boots and raid the nearest mall's Sanrio store,

scalp all the employees when I find that the Tamagotchis are still out of

stock, and run out with my pockets full of Bad Batz Maru keychains and

pink-zippered clear-plastic makeup pouches brimming with little lipsticks

and eyeshadows and plastic pastel bracelets til I end up collapsing in

catatonia out front of Toys R Us, doomed to muttering "Rock Scissors Paper"

over and over as I tighten into a fetal position.



Well.



And yes, I tried callin' ya, but a nice pre-recorded lady said that the

connection couldn't be made at that time.  Now aren't you glad for small

blessings?



:)  



Adios amigo.





Nicky
The next few messages are funny when taken in sequence, so bear with me for a bit. It's amusing though.
From: smeggers3@aol.com



Dear Chris,



I think your page is wicked and you seem like a really funny guy.  Well done

for showing everyone what a tamagotchi is really like (ie. a waste of money)

 In my eyes the only thing worst than liking a tamagotchi is fancying Peter

Andre !



>From Caroline



P.S.   How old are You ?

P.P.S.   Are you good looking??

P.P.P.S.    Do you have a girlfriend???

P.P.P.P.S.   My brother wants to know if you're sure you aren't a faggot!
... and then I was slightly less impressed by the followup, an hour and a half later...
Dear Chris



I've just read your home page and after seeing your picutre ( ! ) I've

decided you're an ugly bastard.  You may be funny and have a cool home page

but you're just too weird for me.  You're also too much of a boffin.  Also,

after seeing those pictures....well ???

What can you expect people to think ??? You faggot!!!



>From Caroline

(an ex admirer)
... and imagine my surprise when four hours later, I got this...
Chris, My sister, Caroline (you may ahve read her e-mails) is, although the

second may contradict this, fancys you. She is 14 and you are 22, so please

PLEASE e-mail her back to call her sad and pathetic.

    Adrian



Oh! E-mail her at- Smeggers3@aol.com
I sent a reply - you couldn't not reply to a sequence of messages like those - the reply being:
Hullo,



> I've just read your home page and after seeing your picutre ( ! ) I've

> decided you're an ugly bastard.



Well, cheers *very* much. Bet you're not much to look at yourself. :-)



Oh well, fair point I guess. Do you often browse the net looking for

potential mates?



> >From Caroline

> (an ex admirer)



Weren't an admirer for that long, from what I can see. Mind you, an admirer

is an admirer, so I can't complain.



And to answer the end of your other message, yes, I do have a girlfriend.

And I'm reliably informed you're 14, which is rather illegal...

;-}



Chris
And then, down the wire, came...
You faggot Chris!!!! Why did you tell her you git! My life is

over.....sob......at the tender age......sob.....of 12......sob.....and it is

all .......sob.......YOUR FAULT!  I hope......sob....... that you can live

with.........sob.......the........sob........ guilt!



>From the Dead meat brother of Caroline,



                   Adrian fucking dead May




From: Nile Hemmerling



My tomogatchi{Ass} died a couple of days ago cause I never fed or played

with him. does this mean I have to get a new one?




From: William Anderson



owdo



I've just read your 'anti-criticism' page ... =)



i bought a tama at asda on friday and it's a laff, but i have no

pretensions about it - it's blatantly a kiddies toy and marketing tool at

the same time.  Bandai do this kind of stuff in Asia all the time, and the

popularity there was picked up here - hence big publicity for mad wee

Japanese toy.  Why-o-why are so many people getting so up tight about it!? 

Jeez ...  Anyhoo, mine's called Prufrock, it's getting buzzed from my

monitor atm, and as soon as it dies/goes home/joins Rolling Stones, I'm

determined to completely ruin the next one's life (hey, they're like buses

- another one is coming along anyway) - I'm going to discipline it every 10

mins, flush it all the time, and refuse to feed/play.  Well, it sounds like

fun anyway ;)



yeh, the water thing is funny - I just read that someone had "seen inside a

Tamagotchi" and authoritatively stated that it has a "water sensor", so

that it could detect whether or not it would need to drown itself I

suppose.  Cripes, some folks are sooo gullible.



well, keep your page up (that's *page*) and keep "dissin" tamagotchi - it's

your god given right methinks.  also reading mad americans mailing from AOL

is always funny.  "YOUR GONNA GET IT!"  Nice one, like it.



oh and I think Beatriz is a girl's name, so God help her ;P