Humble Pie (sung to the tune of American Pie) 

A long, long week ago 
I can still remember how the market used to make me smile 
What I'd do when I had the chance 
Is get myself a cash advance 
And add another tech stock to the pile. 

But Alan Greenspan made me shiver 
With every speech that he delivered 
Bad news on the rate front 
Still I'd take one more punt 

I can't remember if I cried 
When I heard about the CPI 
I lost my fortune and my pride 
The day the NASDAQ died 

So bye-bye to my piece of the pie 
I poured my paycheck into Datek 
Now my cash account's dry 
It's just two weeks from a new all-time high 
And now we're right back where we were in July 
We're right back where we were in July 

Did you buy stocks you never heard of? 
Q COM at 150 or above? 
'Cos your plumber told you so 
Now do you believe in Home Depot? 
Can Wal-Mart save your portfolio? 
And can you teach me what's a P/E ratio? 

Well, I know that you were leveraged too 
So you can't just take a long-term view 
Your broker shut you down 
No more margin could be found 

I never worried on the whole way up 
Buying dot coms from the back of a pickup truck 
But Friday I ran out of luck 
It was the day the NAAAASDAQ died 

I started singin' 
Bye-bye to my piece of the pie 
I poured my paycheck into Datek 
Now my cash account's dry 
It's just two weeks from a new all-time high 
And now we're right back where we were in July 
Yeah we're right back where we were in July 

Now for ten days, we've been on our own 
And E-trade won't pick up the phone 
But that's not how it used to be 
When investors snapped up EMC 
With cash they borrowed easily 
And a quote that flashed up permanently green 

Oh, and just as things were turning 'round 
Joel Klein slapped Mister Softee down 
The courtroom was adjourned 
A guilty verdict was returned 
And while Gilder read a book on quarks 
Buffet smirked and Greenspan barked 
The bulls were eaten by the sharks 
The day, the NASDAQ died 

I started singin' ... 

Manic panic, it's just like the Titanic 
Unsinkable and now under the Atlantic 
We're at four thou and falling fast 
All at once the bottom-fishers pounced 
But that just caused a dead-cat bounce 
'Cos Mister Softee, from the sidelines, preannounced 

Now the graph-lines showed complete collapse 
While the margin calls were coming fast 
We all were forced to sell 
Our Apple, E-Bay and Intel 
Then the bear funds moved to take the field 
And the long bond shed a point of yield 
Was Glass-Steagall ever really repealed? 
The day, the NASDAQ day 

We started singing... 

Oh, and suddenly we're underwater 
Millionaires all hot and bothered 
With no cash left to buy again 
So come on, Fed be anxious, com-pen-sate 
By lowering the discount rate 
'Cause easy money is a bubble's only friend 

Oh, and as I watched the index fall 
I received the dreaded margin call 
No broker born in hell 
Could make me want to sell 
But as my gains fell fast into the crash 
E-Trade began demanding cash 
The talking heads were talking trash 
The day, the NASDAQ died 

They were singing... 

I met an analyst for Micromuse 
I asked him for their earnings news 
But he just smiled and turned away 
I logged on to the trading floor 
Where I made my fortune weeks before 
But they demanded to see cash before I played 

And on T.V. the ticker streamed 
Kudlow cried and Barton dreamed 
Not a bullish word was spoken 
The daytraders were choking 

And the three stocks I acquired last 
AMAT, Dell and Infocast 
Couldn't catch a bid and faded fast 
The day, the NASDAQ died 

And they were singing.... 
Bye-bye to my piece of the pie 
I poured my paycheck into Datek 
Now my cash account's dry 
It's just two weeks from a new all-time high 
And now we're right back where we were in July 
Yeah we're right back where we were in July 

Copyright 2000:  Sean Brady and Tom Kearney 
Posted with the permission of the authors, and with apologies to Don McLean