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        GENUINE EXTRACTS FROM LETTERS SENT TO THE COUNCIL
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I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly when he put his
foot in the hole in his back passage.

The lavatory is blocked, this is caused by the boys next door throwing their
balls on the roof.

This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.

The toilet seat is cracked, where do I stand.

I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.

I am still having trouble with smoke in my built in drawers.

I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.

Can you please tell me when our repairs are going to be done as my wife is
about to become an expectant mother.

I want some repairs doing to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob
off.

The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is
unsightly and dangerous.

Will you please send someone to mend our broken path.  Yesterday my wife
tripped on it and is now pregnant.

Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third,
so will you please send someone to do something about it.

Would you please repair our toilet, my son pulled the chain and the box fell
on his head.

Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not
fit to drink.

Would you please send a man to repair my spout.  I am an old age pensioner
and need it straight away.

I awoke this morning and found my water boiling.

This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and we cannot get
BBC2.

Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap.  My wife got her toe
stuck in it and it was very uncomfortable for us.

I want to complain about the farmer across the road.  Every morning at 5.30
his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much.

When I applied for a rebate you said that you would have to take something
off.  Now that you have taken it off, I have been told that you should have
put some on.  So will you please take off what you took off and put on what
you should have put on when you took it off.

When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and
made a mess.  Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my
wife happy.