Newspaper classifieds:

1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer

AMANA WASHER $100. OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.

SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE... ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.

FREE PUPPIES... PART GERMAN SHEPHERD PART DOG

2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES, 1 5-finger,
1 3-finger, PAIR: $15

TICKLE ME ELMO. NEW IN BOX. HARDLY TICKLED. $700

BLACK FACE COWS, CALVES... ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.

'83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000

STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15

DO SOMETHING SPECIAL FOR YOUR VALENTINE - HAVE YOUR SEPTIC
TANK PUMPED.

FREE PUPPIES: 1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR DOG

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER. 8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.

GERMAN SHEPHARD. 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE
SMELL.

FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BTH HOME.

FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50

CHARMIN ULTRA BATHROOM TISSUE -- BONELESS

NORDIC TRACK $300 - HARDLY USED - CALL CHUBBIE at: ....

BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING - "WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"

SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS

FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG... LOOKS LIKE A RAT... BEEN OUT
AWHILE... BETTER BE A REWARD.

GET A LITTLE JOHN - THE TRAVELING URINAL - HOLDS 2 ?
BOTTLES OF BEER.

HANDS FOR HEALTH - HEIDI HOAR - REGISTERED MASSAGE THERAPIST

HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB

GEORGIA PEACHES - CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.

FOR RENT - VIBRATOR - WELL USED

NICE PARACHUTE - NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE - SLIGHTLY STAINED

BORDER COLLIE FEMALE TO A GOOD HOE. GOOD WITH CHILDREN.

WHIRLPOOL BUILT IN OVEN -- FROST FREE!

KITTENS 8 WEEKS OLD - SEEKING GOOD CHRISTIAN HOME.

TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT
SHARING AND FLEXIBLE HOURS. STARTING PAY: $7 - $9 PER HOUR.

NOTICE: TO PERSON OR PERSONS WHO TOOK THE LARGE PUMPKIN ON
HIGHWAY 87 NEAR SOUTHRIDGE STORAGE. PLEASE RETURN THE
PUMPKIN AND BE CHECKED. PUMPKIN MAY BE RADIOACTIVE. ALL
OTHER PLANTS IN VINCINITY ARE DEAD.

EXERCISE EQUIPMENT QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRING - $175.

OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB - AND IT'S MADE OF 100%
ITALIAN LEATHER.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY, MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER - $300.

ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER

WOMEN - ANY SIZE - FREE BUTT MASSAGE

THESE 2 HEADLINES WERE ARTICLES NEXT TO EACH OTHER ON THE
SAME PAGE: BREASTFEEDING MONTH SLATED and REPORT: MEN NEED
TO DRINK MILK TOO

ADVERTISEMENTS:

SO FRENCH, AFTER ONE CUP YOU'LL WANT TO GO OUI, OUI.

GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.

OPEN HOUSE - BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON - FREE COFFEE &
DONUTS

EYE OF ROUND ROAST - $1.99 lb. - BONERLESS

FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.